A new relationship is usually full of excitement and fun dates as you get to know each other. However, it’s essential to know your partner on a deeper level if you’re looking for a long-term committed relationship.
Once the initial chemistry of a new relationship wears off, you might have some personal questions or intimate questions that you’d like to ask. You probably already know their favorite movie or their favorite meal, but you might be curious about their biggest regret or spiritual beliefs.
This list of 21 questions for a new relationship will help to get you started on the right note. Here are our chosen relationship questions to ask your partner.
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1. What is the most important thing in your life?
It can be a challenge to understand your new partner, especially if they have a hard time opening up. Asking about the thing that means the most to them in their life can help you understand where they direct their interests and passions.
This key question will help you point out their commitment to different things in life. That could be family, friends, school, health, etc. The idea is to understand where they direct most of their focus in life and whether you have the same ideas. For example, you might find friends and family to be the most important things in your life, while he might direct most of his energy towards school/work or sports.
2. What is your priority right now?
Where is your partner’s life right now? Are they in school and spending most of their time there? Are they changing jobs and directing all their energy there? What is taking most of their time at the moment?
Understanding your partner’s priority will help you evaluate if they can truly show up for the relationship. And if they can, you will know how to manage your expectations considering their priorities.
Learning about their priorities can also help you understand their lifestyles, specifically how their days are set up. This can be beneficial in knowing when to communicate with them while giving them enough space and time to take care of their day-to-day tasks.
3. What do you think is your best quality?
Your partner is less likely to tell you about their best qualities unless you ask about them. While it can come across as boasting from your partner, talking about their best qualities can help you understand them better.
You also want to see how your partner thinks about themselves, what value they place in themselves, and where they believe they thrive the most. You may have seen this quality in them, but hearing them speaking about it confirms that they think of themselves as others see them.
People have a difficult time expressing what they think they are, so this question puts your partner on the hot seat. Answering it will show confidence that they are comfortable talking about their positive attributes.
4. What inspires you every day?
It is important for you to understand what inspires your partner. It is an essential element of how they lead their lives and maneuver difficult days. Learning about where they get inspiration can give you insight into their character generally.
Learning about this early enough to find out what makes them tick is crucial. While answering this question, share your side, so they understand you on the same level. Sharing your inspiration will bring you closer and help you understand what drives your partner.
5. Are you at a point where you are looking to commit?
This question can be a little awkward, especially at the early stages of the new relationship. But, it is undoubtedly one of the most important to ask before the relationship advances further.
You want to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page regarding advancing the relationship. Are they dating to commit to one person and a stable relationship? Are they ready to work on the relationship and scale it to new levels in the future?
If you are looking for commitment, you want to ensure that your new partner can give you that. If not, you would be better off moving on than sticking to them and getting hurt. Clear the uncertainty as early as possible to start the relationship on the right note.
6. What kind of relationship do you have with your parents?
All your partner’s vital relationships with other people in their life set the tone for your new relationship. The best way to understand their relationships is by asking about their relationship with their parents.
Studies show that how they relate with their parents impacts how they will connect with you in your relationship. You want to understand their family dynamic, how close they are, how they communicate with each other, how they work together, etc.
If there is tension between your partner and their parents, the effects of that could quickly trickle down your relationship. Issues in the relationship are not necessarily a red flag, but you want to be sure it is not something that directly affects how you relate with your partner.
7. What does self-care look like for you?
Self-care is a crucial element in healthy relationships hence the need to understand what it looks like for your partner. Self-care adds value to you as a person and trickles down to your close relationships. And that includes that of the mind and the body.
How your partner practices self-care can help you understand where they replenish their cup, what motivates them, and what boosts their mood and energy. This question can help your partner open up about their hobbies, interests, and passions, helping you learn them even better.
8. What does an ideal, healthy relationship look like for you?
Your idea of a healthy relationship may not be the same as your partner’s, and while none is better than the other, it is essential to understand your partner’s perspective. Remember, you have different interests, goals, and life paths, so they may not match what you envision.
But, understanding what that means for your partner can help you evaluate the following steps to take in your relationship. What makes a relationship work for them? How do they like their needs met? What fuels commitment in a relationship?
9. What is your biggest fear?
A relationship is not built on only the rosy, beautiful things but also the scary and unpredictable things. What does your partner fear the most and why? Let them express their fears in life, relationships, careers, and anything else they want to talk about.
This question reveals your partner’s vulnerability which helps you understand them from a deeper level. It also allows you to bond with your partner more as you share your side of your fears. Again, fears are a normal part of life, so they should not be used to judge your partner but help you understand why they are the way they are.
10. What is your love language?
Love languages play a significant role in relationships and are the basis of how you show affection to your partner. Unfortunately, some are not as meaningful to your partner as they are to you, hence the need to understand their top ones.
Find out what love language hits the mark for them. The idea is to understand the things that make them feel most loved. Share yours, too, so you get insights on how to love each other the best.
If you’re not sure what your love language is, then you can read ‘What are the 5 love languages?’
11. How do you spend your free time?
This simple question may seem basic, but it holds so much weight in the context of a romantic relationship. You want to understand your partner’s interests and hobbies, which ultimately impact how you spend time together.
Hobbies do not have to be the same, and that is okay. Understanding how your partner spends their free time can help you gauge their curiosity and engagement in life. Are they outdoorsy, or do they like spending time with friends? Long-term relationships work best when you enjoy spending quality time together doing things you both love.
12. Do you want children?
The topic around kids is sensitive, but one of the most important ones if you are dating to get married. A different stand on children can be a deal-breaker in a relationship, so it’s best to ask this question as early as possible.
While at it, discuss how many kids your partner would want if they want any. Talk about how many you would like to be on the same page. The number doesn’t have to match, but at the very least, agree on whether you want kids or not.
Some people might only seriously consider this question when they’re older, so not having a fixed answer, especially if you’re still young, does not mean that you can’t agree later.
13. What is the ultimate deal-breaker for you?
When you get into a new relationship, you hope it could last a long time, hopefully forever. But this may not be the case as deal-breakers may come to play. Ask what the ultimate deal-breaker would be for your partner.
Their biggest deal-breaker could be something you don’t consider alarming, but again, you want to understand your partner’s perspective. Having the deal-breaker conversation will ensure you are both compatible from the beginning.
14. What does money mean to you?
Money is a crucial tool in life, but it can make or break a relationship. It is one of the biggest reasons couples break up if both partners’ money mindsets do not match. Learn about your partner’s relationship with money, how they spend it, and how they perceive it.
You may not necessarily agree on how you relate to money, but you will get an insight into what that looks like for your partner. The goal is to understand what money is to them and how that could impact your relationship in the long run. It is a crucial question that can highlight how compatible you are in your approach to life.
15. What do you consider cheating in a relationship?
No one wants to be cheated on; unfortunately, cheating is common and one of the biggest reasons people break up. The problem is there is a gray area on what cheating is as what it means to you might not be the same for your partner.
You should ask this deep relationship compatibility question and have this conversation. Lay out some ground rules to ensure you are on the same page. Your partner can express what they think cheating is, and you can do the same, ensuring both views are valid and heard.
16. What do you think about Valentine’s Day?
People have different opinions on Valentine’s Day, and there is no wrong point of view when it comes to celebrating it. But if you are in a new relationship, you want to be sure you understand what it means for your partner.
Do they consider it essential? Is it a special day for the two of you? If so, then how do they celebrate it?
17. What are you excited about the most in your life right now?
This question will invite your partner to speak about the most exciting things in their life. It is a nice conversation starter and can open up many more questions to get to know your partner even more.
You want to share in your partner’s joy and celebrate with them when things are going right. Whether completing school, starting a new job, moving to a new city, or starting an exciting career, let your partner talk about the exciting things in their life.
18. What has been your most significant change in life?
Change is inevitable and happens now and then. Life changes can significantly impact your relationship. You want to understand the biggest change that has happened in your partner’s life and learn how they navigated it.
The most significant change will reveal to you what matters to them the most, how they cope with situations, how quickly they adapt to change, and how they are receptive to new things.
19. Where in the world would you want to travel to?
Your partner’s travel bucket list might not seem significant, but it can help you learn much about them. Their travel bucket list might not match yours, but that does not mean you are not compatible.
You could use this information to understand what they are most interested in and the areas of their life they would want to explore more. You can also talk about your bucket list and see how the two compare. Ultimately, the goal is to understand your partner’s aspirations and help support them when the time comes.
20. What is one thing you wish women and men knew about each other?
We often assume that men and women have the same understanding of each other, but this is far from the truth. Men and women are different in many ways, and how either gender perceives the other impacts their relationship.
What does your partner believe the opposite sex should know about theirs and vice versa. You may be surprised to learn interesting facts about the opposite sex that would ultimately contribute to the success of your relationship.
Understanding the opposite sex can help both of you avoid conflicts in relationships. You will be in a better position to relate to the opposite sex and put yourself in their shoes in the event of a dispute.
21. What is the perfect romantic date, in your opinion?
At the beginning of a relationship, you are bound to go on many dates as you learn about each other. Many date ideas might suit both of you, but your partner might have a preference on what they consider a perfect date.
They may have a different opinion from yours but understanding what they like for dates can help you figure out what means the most to them and give you insights into their view on romance. Share yours too, and have an open discussion on the kind of dates you would enjoy.
Related Relationship Questions
What are red flags in a new relationship?
Red flags in a new relationship include disrespecting boundaries, signs of jealousy, one-sided conversations, the need to be a priority, being needy, excessive substance abuse, emotional immaturity, and inconsistent communication.
📢 Suggested reading: How To Make A Guy Regret Ghosting You
What are green flags in a relationship?
Green flags in a relationship include open and consistent communication, openness to talking about their feelings, self-awareness, empathy, commitment to the relationship, and vulnerability. Others include a healthy pace at which the relationship moves, knowing what they want, treating others well, and being stable in life.
What is the golden rule of love?
The golden rule of love is, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It means you ought to treat others how you want them to treat you. Whatever you do to people you love, you should receive in equal measure.
Hopefully, these common relationship questions will improve the communication between your and your potential partner. Not everyone has great communication skills, so having a couple of questions that can start deeper conversations around life goals and your outlook on life will be helpful.