100+ Clever Replies And Comebacks For Shut Up

How often have you heard someone say something rude or mean to you? And then you wish that you had an incredible comeback right then?

Well, I’ve got some witty comebacks for you.

These are my favorite ways to get under someone’s skin.

You’ll need to master the art of the comeback when dealing with bullies, jerks, and other types who enjoy being cruel.

Prepare yourself with one of these witty comebacks for ‘shut up’ the next time someone tells you to.

Funny Comebacks To Shut Up

How would you react if someone said something rude or offensive to you? Would you get angry? Or would you laugh at them instead? If you laughed, then you probably don’t take things other people say too seriously, which is excellent. However, having a few good comebacks ready will help you walk away with your head held high and shake it off.

1. If you don’t want to hear me, then cover your ears.
2. Can you hear that? That’s the sound of me not listening?
3. This is such a good idea, how about you go first?
4. I would if I could, but I don’t want to.
5. Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
6. Great advice! How about you demonstrate how that works?
7. If I threw a stick, would you leave?
8. That sounds like a ‘you’ problem.
9. Worry about your busy eyebrows and leave me alone.
10. Your face makes onions cry.
11. Thank you for helping me understand that there are really dumb people in this world.
12. In what world did you think your opinion mattered to me?
13. If ignorance is bliss, I bet you’re the happiest person.
14. Check your face; your nose is all up in my business.
15. At what part do you actually shut up?
16. Thank you, but I am better with unsolicited advice.
17. I am sorry, but I did not order a shot of your opinion.

Savage Best Comebacks For Shut Up

This list of comebacks is great to use on annoying people.

1. Your hometown called, and they said they wanted their idiot back.
2. You clearly do not need a straw; you suck.
3. There are so many people I could have met, and it had to be you.
4. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
5. Did you take classes to be this obnoxious?
6. I’m used to cleaning germs every day, but no matter how hard I try to scrub, I can’t seem to get rid of you.
7. All mistakes can be fixed, except for you.
8. I’m jealous of everyone you’ve never met.
9. Everyone makes mistakes, but you seem to be the biggest mistake I’ve come across.
10. Can you hear the sound of me not caring?
11. Is this what you wanted to become when you grew up? A nose that sticks to everyone’s business?
12. How about you save your energy and sign up at the gym?
13. If you are going to have two faces, at least make one of those cute.
14. It seems like you will be an idiot for the rest of your life; how about you take the day off?
15. I had a life without regrets until I met you.
16. If you are waiting for me to care, I hope you have something to eat, because it is going to take a long time.
17. I am so busy right now. Can I ignore you another time?
18. I have the right to remain silent but seem to lack the ability.
19. We’re all allowed to be stupid every once in a while, but you’re abusing the privilege.

Watch some savage comebacks in the video below:

Good Roasts To Shut Someone Up

1. I didn’t mean to push all your buttons; I was looking for mute.
2. How can I help the world revolve around you today?
3. There was no need to repeat yourself; I heard you clearly the first time.
4. Two wrongs don’t make a right; take your parents, for example.
5. It looks like your mom had an epic fail when she had you.
6. Just roll your eyes; you might find your brain back there.
7. If you think I talk too much, let’s have a meeting to discuss that.
8. You’re just like Monday; nobody likes you.
9. You must have been born on a highway where most accidents happen.
10. Sorry, I didn’t get that; I don’t speak idiot.
11. Excuse me; you must have mistaken me for someone that gives a shit.
12. You are the reason we all have middle fingers.
13. You look so cute when you talk about things you don’t understand.
14. I bet you stayed up all night trying to come up with that one.
15. I could try and agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.
16. It’s so sad your personality does not match your face.
17. You look like you came out of a slow-cooker.
18. I don’t know what you eat to be this stupid, but it works.

Good Comebacks For Shut Up

Having a few awesome comebacks gives you a playful response to negative experiences with people.

1. I’ll take that suggestion with a grain of salt and a slice of lemon.
2. You say that like it is such a good thing.
3. No thanks.
4. Go and have a nice day, somewhere else.
5. I would roast you, but my mom taught me not to burn trash.
6. I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.
7. What did you say? My ears must have been blocked.
8. Did you buy your stupidity on sale because you seem to have a lot of it?
9. Please keep your stupid to yourself.
10. Why are you still here?
11. Can you see the shut up in my smile too?
12. Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy to pretend I like you today.
13. Is your nose jealous of all the rubbish coming out of your mouth?
14. The jerk store called and said they are running out of you.
15. There are two sides to a story, and you seem to be the jerk in both of them.
16. Did you just fit all your vocabulary in one sentence?
17. I want you on the other side of the door.

Best Comebacks To Shut Up

A good comeback is often the most effective response to someone telling you to ‘shut up.’

1. I wish closed minds came with closed mouths.
2. Sorry, the middle of my sentence interrupted the start of yours.
3. I don’t have the time nor the crayons to help you understand this.
4. The trash gets picked up tomorrow, go home and be ready.
5. Unfortunately, you cannot photoshop your ugly personality.
6. I wish you were taught to be fluent in silence.
7. You are the reason everything comes with instructions.
8. I have come across pricks in my life, but you seem to be an entire cactus.
9. You would be in good shape if you ran as fast as your mouth.
10. You need to look for a sale on lives; you might need one.
11. Keep quiet, or the next thing that comes out of your mouth might be teeth.
12. I’m not trying to explain how much I hate you, but you are literally the Monday of my life.
13. I don’t regret burning my bridges; I only wish some people were on those bridges when I burned them.
14. Shock me and say something intelligent.
15. Awesome ends with ‘me,’ and ugly starts with ‘u.’
16. I am sure the earth revolves around the sun and not you.
17. Thankfully, zombies eat brains, so you are safe.

Smart Comebacks For Shut Up

Use some of these creative comebacks to strike back at the haters.

1. I’m sorry I hurt your feeling when I called you stupid; I thought you already knew.
2. You’ve had your entire life to be a jerk. Could you please take the day off?
3. I’ve never been good at that, and I don’t see myself getting better at it either.
4. But that would give you too much time to talk rubbish.
5. Stupidity isn’t a crime, so, fortunately, you’re free to go.
6. Am I too smart for you to understand?
7. I didn’t realize you were such an important person.
8. I’m sorry, are you talking to me?
9. Can you make a little more sense to keep this going?
10. Here is the piece of attention you were looking for.
11. I’d love to, but I am not going to deprive you of the pleasure of hearing me speak.
12. I can’t give you a chance to talk crap.
13. Could you lead by example?
14. Am I saying things you don’t understand?
15. Have a nice day, but somewhere else, not in my space.
16. Did you take lessons to speak like this?
17. I think you should have come with a warning label.
18. What doesn’t kill you disappoints me.

Flirty Response To Shut Up

1. Aaaaw, are you having a bad day?
2. You’re not mad at me, are you?
3. Do you need a massage to calm down?
4. Your wish is my command.
5. Can you help cover my mouth?
6. I just can stop talking to you.
7. Make me stop.
8. You’ll wish I spoke more.
9. I just can’t.
10. You are too sweet to keep stop talking to.
11. Oh dear, we found the grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
12. Can I talk some more?
13. Why should I?

Funny Ways To Say Shut Up

1. Did I forget to press mute on you?
2. Do you need a snack?
3. I can give you 10 dollars to keep quiet.
4. What point are you trying to make?
5. What kind of noise is this?
6. Do you talk when you sleep?
7. Where is the mute button, somebody help!
8. Tell that to somebody else.
9. My ears are crying for help.
10. Had you planned to be this obnoxious?
11. Can you breathe in for two seconds?
12. I need noise-canceling headphones.
13. Do you like the sound of your voice?
14. The volume needs to go down.
15. Can you stop talking? I might need the police for this.
16. Yappy, yappy! Shut it up.
17. Did I pay for this talk show?
18. You should really come with a warning label.
19. I don’t want to have a look at your vocal cords.
20. Can I cut the crap for you?
21. Do you plan to stop this anytime soon?
22. Break the record for the world’s longest talker.
23. Did you drink magic water?

Most people don’t like confrontation, but sometimes you wish you could have a good comeback when someone says something hateful, like telling you to ‘shut up.’ Hopefully, you’ll find the best response for your situation and stand up for yourself.